I have days where I’m feeling really creative and then there are days like today where I just want to say “FUCK IT!” and I don’t want to do shit.
I had some adult fun with some friends earlier this morning and that was a BLAST! I never knew that I would be at this place in my life where I genuinely enjoy playing with multiple partners. I was always told that you get one person and one person only. Awwwww true love…. blah blah blah…. Not so sure anymore if that truly exists. At least, I’m not blindly believing in that…. oh the days when I did and I was quite naive. Mind you, I am exploring sexually only, and there is still that possibility that I want one person to be my primary emotional partner. I’m not sure I would be able to handle the emotions of multiple dudes.
There is one dude that I’m talking to and HOLY MOLY! He is fucking emotional!! He lives in another state from me and is constantly asking me, “can you see us in a relationship?” “Maybe you could come stay with me for a week or a month.” WTF DUDE?!?! We don’t talk every day and each time we do chat you are asking this but not actually trying to get to know me. There is NO WAY IN HELL that I am going to stay at your place for that long. Most times I’m at the point where I just want to tell him to fuck off. I already told him that I’m on dating apps and I am “playing the field” as the old saying goes so he is not the only guy that I’m chatting with. Also, I’m trying to build a life where I feel financially free, independent, stable, safe, whatever frickin word you want to use, and I don’t want to make the mistake again of relying so heavily on my partner while stressing so much about bills.
I told him that I would want to be sexually open because I need that variety and excitement in my life, and I want an emotionally secure man who can handle that. He said he accepts those “terms” yet does a 180 complaining that I’m going to be stringing him along because he isn’t the only dude I’m chatting with. He wants me to be honest, which I have been, yet he is being so wishy washy on what he is ok with and it’s really frickin annoying.
“I don’t want my time wasted, yet I can’t make up my mind on what I want.” uugggghhhhhhhh que the eye roll… His properties and job flexibility is very attractive to me, but this dude’s emotional state is not a roller coaster I want to ride. What’s worse is he is older than me by at least 6 years…. Good for you dude in owning 3 plots of land, but why the fuck do you need to own 17 cars, and only a third of them are running. “Projects” is what he called them, and to me they just look and feel like an accumulation of junk. Over half of the cars were/are just sitting in a field, and the dew from the grass is going to cause SOOOOOOO much rust on the bottom of those vehicles. Unless he is actively working on them and either going to drive them routinely or sell them, he should just sell them now for scrap metal.
I highly doubt his “restoration skills” are anything to be proud of. He showed me a picture of a bathroom he just “refurbished/redesigned” and it looked awful! The floor looked unfinished, as if he hadn’t yet laid down the tiles, so you could see the gap between the base floor and the drywall. The vanity he got did not match with the sink he put on it. So, the sink was this modern piece, a bowl that sits on top of the vanity. The vanity itself looked like he stopped by someone’s house who was throwing out a beat up old dresser that they set out on the curb for the garbage truck to take to the dump. No, it was not the “chic farmhouse” kind of look. It just didn’t look right. And he was telling me, “Oh! This is the finished product!” all proud of himself…. uhhhhh…. Bro, you have your own contracting company doing plumbing and electrical work. He clearly does NOT have the eye for design. He should stick to working on things inside the walls and not on things that people would be viewing inside the rooms with the walls closed off.
It’s been a couple days since I lasted texted him, and I also chatted with him over the phone. Over the phone seems to be better for our communication, but I truly can’t see myself right now with someone who is so needy via text. There needs to be a balance.
One day I was on the phone talking with a friend, and this dude wanted to also talk on the phone. He was all “call me”…. “please”…. “ok fine, guess not” …. all within 2 minutes… I don’t really like being on the phone while I’m sitting on the toilet and this dude couldn’t even have the patience. He couldn’t even give me 5 minutes to myself before deciding that I was ignoring him.
It’s guys like this dude that make me want to give up on trying the dating scene these days. I’m not looking for the “perfect” dude. I’m looking for a guy who is open-minded to having a non-traditional sexual dynamic, while being emotionally committed to me, and me alone. I would give him the same respect. Where are all the dudes who want their woman to be that 1950s housewife who has a kinky side???
Sincerely,
A woman who would eagerly be on her knees when you get home
MonkeyDoodle's Mind 